About two months after leaving the studio, we received the first mixes of the album. I was thrilled, and immediately walled off a block of time to listen without interruption. My art project! I had a (rough) copy of my art project, at long last!
I wish I could tell you that upon first listen, I felt proud of what I’d created, that I felt gusto and all of the “hell yeah” steam in the world. Mainly I just felt small. Who was I to have any business writing another album? What talent do I even have? Am I even a real musician? What if all the time, energy and money spent was for nothing?
A high (the mixes!), a low (I’m crap!). So it goes.
The mixes were fine. Still some work to be done (major work on a couple of tracks). But hearing them through this time around surfaced every one of my insecurities.
Fortunately, I’d also been listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s soothing voice in Big Magic for the second time. It’s a book all creatives should read. It put me at ease. It allowed me the mental space to think, “even if this isn’t perfect, I’m still proud.” To think that, even if this album amounts to nothing, or everyone hates it, it was still a worthwhile pursuit, one that filled my soul with pleasure and grew my character.
Recording this album, just like with These Blue Walls from 2012, will be one of my favorite memories and one of my proudest projects. I know that to be true. These Blue Walls wasn’t perfect, but it was the best of what we were that moment in time. I feel that this new album is the best I have at this moment in time, and that’s a wonderful thing.